[ World War 3 ]

Hello everyone!

For todays post i want just talk about unnamed WW3, Peace and Pain. 

To be honest i extremely can't understand such staying on the religion. I'm not a religious person. The one religion that i can stand and approving is shinto. The most peacefull religion i think. And i can't understand how people can so easy kill other people for religion. And there's nothing else but religion as they say.
And if there's ISIS and Al Kaida and so on who turned our world to the 3d World War which was going to the most peacefull, helpfull to each other times. I think I can name it WW3 even if there's not oficial now. But how it can be named but this if the whole world stood still in a fear that they'll be next, in war for such a stupid things as such religion, as territory, as World Control. Who need this? People all around want to live in peace, love and respect to each other. They just want to travel, make their careers, families, they want to graduate and so on. They just want to live. This world is really disgusting because all the people is such a small things in Universe but there're people can't stand it and want to rule just to prove themselves their strength, power and inhumanity. If weak shows you canine he's scared. So what? All those terror-groupes just scared of the world, they envy the other world which is going to become better, richer or what? Is it just religion or their shield from fear?

Yesterday i've found out so many post about young girls who was addicted to go there. I was really scared about how terrorists can brainwash. One of the girls asked the man who asked her to come to Syria to marry him "Is it true that i could carry the real sumachine-gun?"
What the *uck?! Why this world is going so much down?
We just started to help each other. We just started to carry about people with no food, water and the roof. We started to be kind. And we can't go somewhere to help some guy without water in the midle of the Sahara idk just because of the fear of airplane crush or bombed railway station. What the hell?

The only place i'm watching news is Euronews and their replaying news about Paris is making me to cry. I'm not feeling that i want to cry or something, i'm not feeling any emotion. But just imagining through what hell alive people went, what they feel now, that fear and unbelieve it hapened to them, they're alive. And those one who gone, what they thought about, what they feel, and their relatives who imaging this things. This pain from this tragedy is like a cloud overhead.
I've read a story of girl who pretened being dead lying in someones blood just trying to save her life at the Bataclan's club. About people who she saw dying, about the young pair whose last words were "I love you". That's so terrifing and touchfull.

The little backdown. People on the social media is angry for people who are focused only on Paris. If so that doesn't matter that people are not thinking or praying for others, Bangkok or Beirut. We're not hear much about this cities and their countries and innocent people from there. No. But we are just acustomed to hear and know those area being at war and struggles. That's all. All people know that there're people who want to escape from there and they also want live in peace.

This World is not safe. Why can't the whole other world stand together by the side forgetting about their sruggle and incomprehension and defeat this enemy? For just a one time? One struggle, one war?

Why we can understand that we love someone, want to protect him/her just in such awefull situations? Why do we need war to understand that we're all the same and want the same things? Why do we need war to understand that not money but just living in safety is happiness?

.: THE END :. 

[ Too dark stripe of life ]

There's one thing that i hardly want to talk about. There's nothing worse than having parents but feel that they are not yours. What do you think i mean? It feels like you're an orphan but there's someone who make a parents things.
I feel like this almost the biggest part of my life. And when i'm getting older it feels stronger. Why? Because in my opinion parents want to make you feel better, listen to you, trying to help with your problems or trying just support you and not criticize.
So i'm not having any support. Oh no, they think they support me with studying stuff and a little money when all of mine is gone to rent of an apartment. Yeah, it's a support. But so huge judgement i feel from all of them about my relationship, about a person who i live with, about my beloved, about my orientation, and especially if they'll have grandchildren. This people are so selfish and almost never think about my feelings. But i'm not an angel, i'm selfish too, but... If someone told me they like or dislike something i try to remember this no matter how often we have the talks. But they don't know what food i like or not, what kind of stuff i like or not, what i want, what i believe in... they think, they say me i should do the things that they did at my age, that i have to go tomorrow outside and catch the first man i'll see and fuck with him to get pregnant and make a child for them or, as my dad say, just to try how does it feels like to have a sex with male person. And it doesn't matter if i'm a lesbian and getting "hard" of women as men do, and if i just don't want to have a child and grow it because i just can't to take care about myself. And also one importaint thing, it was said that in near future 66% of people won't have clean water at all so why should i give a born for a little human who, for the first, will ask about it, for the second, how this organism will grow if there's no water? And also there's no place for living and so many talks about the End of the World that i became a paranoid and can't keep down myself and think that in such a bad conditions my child will grow and live? No, thanks. If they want so i can recomend to go outdoors to catch a stranger and make a child by their own.
The words above is the worst thing of my relationship with parents. That is the reason why i don't want to talk to them even if i understand they love me. I can't reciprocate them, i became too stressed and emotionless with huge depression which i need to hide by mask of smile and calmness for not to bother my lover. I trust her. But conditione of mine become worse and i can't control my feelings so she become nervous more often because of me and i don't want her to.

「 18+ psycho depression 」

Hi, guys!
As i had posted a video from youtube few mins ago i decided to write here.

So, as i wrote last time about work i wished good luck for everyone and for myself so as there's no followers this luck was lucky! So our resturant has a certificate and we're able to raise now. And with it i was asked for my raise so to the end of the month i'll be a trainer! But 'till i'm not don't wanna hear any congrats.

Don't want to say such a loud words but i have something like a depression 'cause i really don't want to laugh, even smile and there's even nothing that could make me feel a little bit happy. But i feel comfy with my lovely Uru and i can't ask her for kindness to me 'cause she lost her grandmother 2 weeks ago. Also it is lost for me because i knew her, i talked to her, we ate her delicious yummis and i've found a postcard from last X-Mas. Of course my depression doesn't go from this.
You know i look on the world with black'n'white colors for years. I think since i was 10-11. That's why i have my red hair. It is the one colorful thing in my life. Of course my parents don't know about it 'cause i don't trust them a lot and they worry about me. But no... I'm wrong. My dad worry about me and my mother is not. Very rude words but so true.
All of this things are not new for me so i can't say this is a cause. I just don't know. I lost my thought. Forget it.

I have also something importaint to write here about my gender identity. It is strange to read and uncomfortable to write because i'm not sure i could explain it but i'll try.
May be my psycho health is too weak or something but i don't feel myself female as my body is. I feel myself as noone. I wake up in the morning and think "Where the hell is my D?!" as it was there last night or what. When i'm horny i feel that it SHOULD BE HERE. And i want to feel my gf... And with all of such things i want to get safe my female genitals... How it should be called? Man in a woman body? I'm like Lydia Lunch but if she identify as gay-man, i feel as hetero-man. Also i feel myself as a girl but it's very rarely feeling. I like girly things and stuff and i like girls as a man and feel myself as a man. And so as i'm russian it is strange when girl like me talk about herself as a male. I really not interested in their opinion and vision of me but i'm so tired of answering their questions "Why are you talking about yourself like this?"
Ugh, this post seems very broken-down.

.: THE END :.

INSIDE BEAST Ballad Cover - piano&vocal (the GazettE)

I love it so much...
Tbh, i want her to make a real cover of it and make a demo but...

「 So hot and So funny」

So hot in here... As at the whole Europe. It's almost 40°С. Can't stand it and feel very bad myself with it . . .

So, as i said at the previous post i decided to enter the University so i passed all my exam-tests. I had almost no preparation so it was a check of my knowledges actually. I laughed very hard when results was known. 

Little pre-history: 

I had studied at the University 3ys ago for a little but quit because of my own. I've studied at the same University actually by intramural education but i'm go there to a distance learning now.

So my results without repeat at this year is a little bit different. Russian is the same, History is worse than 3ys ago, English is much better. And pitty for my Grandma who prepared me for those exams it's better in 13%. But thank you, Grandma, 'cause she taught me English at school for 7 years and without it i even couldn't know english at all. 

What is more funny i know ENG much better than RUS (笑) . No matter if it is test or not it feels so. 

BUT! There's one more funny thing . . .

Guess who quit from another workplace. Yep . . . But i prepare a restaurant for a grandopening now. That's fast-food. That's not mine but it's very huge corp. which will open the first  at our country. 

As for me who had worked at such place earlier it's the best decision. Also when i know the structure of work, payment and career stairs.

So good luck for me, guys! And especially for you!

 .: THE END :.

「 So long time and so little photos and news 」

Hello, Everyone!
I wanted to come here for so long time and haven't time for.

I don't remember what i wrote last time so:

→ I was fired from Spa-salon. Eh, i was happy about it because i wanted to go away from there because of illegal work and monthes without any weekends and very little payment.
→ I was asked to come to one company to work for and i accepted. So i'm working here officially with good payment. Yey! I'm Account Manager~

*Just opened blog to imagine when was last post*

Ooops... it was sooooooooooooo long. 

Em, before i started working at Spa-salon i was working at the store and i waited for firing for so long, so in the end of the Febrary it was happened.

→ I want to pass exams to enter the University again to study by correspondence.
→ Try to organize my things and a little bit life.
→ I want to forget russian language and i do steps already, haha. Thinking in russian and saying the same in english and not understanding it and just staring eyes of people help me realise what happening. *what?*
→ We moved to other house!

 From Here:

To There:

 As we call it 'From the USSR to the Europe', haha. 

And after we unpacked it was looking pretty nice, doesn't it?

And one thing that i was inspired of is a little baby born! 

Don't remember what i was inspired of but i made so light photos that i was hardly surprised it was so good. 

 

 And also we've spend our 4th Anniversary with Uru~~ ♥

 .: THE END :.