There's one thing that i hardly want to talk about. There's nothing worse than having parents but feel that they are not yours. What do you think i mean? It feels like you're an orphan but there's someone who make a parents things.
I feel like this almost the biggest part of my life. And when i'm getting older it feels stronger. Why? Because in my opinion parents want to make you feel better, listen to you, trying to help with your problems or trying just support you and not criticize.
So i'm not having any support. Oh no, they think they support me with studying stuff and a little money when all of mine is gone to rent of an apartment. Yeah, it's a support. But so huge judgement i feel from all of them about my relationship, about a person who i live with, about my beloved, about my orientation, and especially if they'll have grandchildren. This people are so selfish and almost never think about my feelings. But i'm not an angel, i'm selfish too, but... If someone told me they like or dislike something i try to remember this no matter how often we have the talks. But they don't know what food i like or not, what kind of stuff i like or not, what i want, what i believe in... they think, they say me i should do the things that they did at my age, that i have to go tomorrow outside and catch the first man i'll see and fuck with him to get pregnant and make a child for them or, as my dad say, just to try how does it feels like to have a sex with male person. And it doesn't matter if i'm a lesbian and getting "hard" of women as men do, and if i just don't want to have a child and grow it because i just can't to take care about myself. And also one importaint thing, it was said that in near future 66% of people won't have clean water at all so why should i give a born for a little human who, for the first, will ask about it, for the second, how this organism will grow if there's no water? And also there's no place for living and so many talks about the End of the World that i became a paranoid and can't keep down myself and think that in such a bad conditions my child will grow and live? No, thanks. If they want so i can recomend to go outdoors to catch a stranger and make a child by their own.
The words above is the worst thing of my relationship with parents. That is the reason why i don't want to talk to them even if i understand they love me. I can't reciprocate them, i became too stressed and emotionless with huge depression which i need to hide by mask of smile and calmness for not to bother my lover. I trust her. But conditione of mine become worse and i can't control my feelings so she become nervous more often because of me and i don't want her to.
I feel like this almost the biggest part of my life. And when i'm getting older it feels stronger. Why? Because in my opinion parents want to make you feel better, listen to you, trying to help with your problems or trying just support you and not criticize.
So i'm not having any support. Oh no, they think they support me with studying stuff and a little money when all of mine is gone to rent of an apartment. Yeah, it's a support. But so huge judgement i feel from all of them about my relationship, about a person who i live with, about my beloved, about my orientation, and especially if they'll have grandchildren. This people are so selfish and almost never think about my feelings. But i'm not an angel, i'm selfish too, but... If someone told me they like or dislike something i try to remember this no matter how often we have the talks. But they don't know what food i like or not, what kind of stuff i like or not, what i want, what i believe in... they think, they say me i should do the things that they did at my age, that i have to go tomorrow outside and catch the first man i'll see and fuck with him to get pregnant and make a child for them or, as my dad say, just to try how does it feels like to have a sex with male person. And it doesn't matter if i'm a lesbian and getting "hard" of women as men do, and if i just don't want to have a child and grow it because i just can't to take care about myself. And also one importaint thing, it was said that in near future 66% of people won't have clean water at all so why should i give a born for a little human who, for the first, will ask about it, for the second, how this organism will grow if there's no water? And also there's no place for living and so many talks about the End of the World that i became a paranoid and can't keep down myself and think that in such a bad conditions my child will grow and live? No, thanks. If they want so i can recomend to go outdoors to catch a stranger and make a child by their own.
The words above is the worst thing of my relationship with parents. That is the reason why i don't want to talk to them even if i understand they love me. I can't reciprocate them, i became too stressed and emotionless with huge depression which i need to hide by mask of smile and calmness for not to bother my lover. I trust her. But conditione of mine become worse and i can't control my feelings so she become nervous more often because of me and i don't want her to.
